My Dark Beast
by Rhaegal Nymeria Stark
Summary: Everyone has a dark side whose main desires are violence and lust. Rock is no different. Dark themed RockxRevy implied.


Title: My Dark Beast

Anime: Black Lagoon

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Black Lagoon or any of the characters mentioned in this fic

Author: Tsyber Rose 17

Rating: T

Summary: Everyone has a dark side whose main desires are violence and lust. Rock is no different. Dark themed RockxRevy implied.

My Dark Beast:

**Rock's POV: **

What do you think goes inside another person's heart or soul? Do you think all men and women are good at heart? Perhaps, but only till a point, where they think that the world is nothing except dark around them and they begin to explore the desires of their dark beasts.

By dark beasts, I mean the hidden desires. The quelling needs that we deny ourselves so strongly because we think that those desires are wrong.

Very much like cigarette addicted fool who thinks that he'll get better quickly by smoking five more packs of cigarettes. There's always something that us, as humans crave. Something we need, something that causes us to stir up a darkness within us. We're willing to do anything to satisfy those needs, as wrong as they are.

Now, I know most would say that I'm an easy going man. Hard working and kind. They'd be mostly right, too. I never saw any reason to be deceitful or lazy when it came to work. Nor did I see any reason to think that I've needed to keep up any deception of any kind.

However, almost a year ago when I first came here, to the desolate city of Roanapur, that changed. I didn't show any façade when it came to the murderous attitudes of those around me in Roanapur, nor do I any longer feel revolted by the sight of torture and people being mangled. Now I show my truthful face like before, only now my face shows a look of calmness and acceptance to my surroundings.

When it comes to the violent life of Roanapur, I show no façade. But there is one woman who I met a year ago, who I know would be a good idea to keep my mask up in front of.

She is so different from all the women I met in my used-to-be everyday life back in Japan. The women there were timid, soft-spoken, obedient. Here, in Roanapur, all of the women are quite the opposite of that.

So to say that this particular woman is violent, dangerous, short-tempered and strong willed would be nothing short of speaking about a wide variety of women in the city of Roanapur.

However, within me, this particular short-tempered and violent woman has brought emotions in me that I never thought would ever come. And along with those emotions, a reason to form my first real mask. My first ever façade.

The emotions that have circulated thanks to my contact with her have stirred a darkness within me that I've never known. One that I know I must keep secret, otherwise she'll see me for the threat.

And quite frankly, I'm not looking to have her cutlass aiming at my head again any time soon. This time she might pull the trigger while aiming at my temple.

While my feelings are fucked up, I'm not looking for death in my near future. Though many would say just by being in this city I was looking for death. And some would say that feeling what I felt for this woman was looking for death even more.

I've sometimes wondered in the past whether or not she's death herself. How can I not wonder that occasionally when I've seen her massacre men by the hundreds? Thousands even. All gunned down so swiftly as if they were merely flies that needed to be swatted.

She's not like anyone else. Even with all these deadly women in this city she's not. I'd like to think that she's somewhat more sane than some of them. Certainly more so than Ms. Balalaika and that Chinese woman with the knives.

But her darkness has caused feelings within me, and her passion calls to my darkness which has also had time to grow over the months and they've taken the form of a grim entity that only desires one thing. Only the presence of one being will quell the devilish longing that has existed within me for this torturous year.

Revy's presence.

I can't help it. Whenever she's near I feel these feelings, these dangerously powerful emotions surging through me. I'm able to contain myself, because as a businessman, I'm able to control myself from showing certain things that would be considered inappropriate, so the question is: what would be considered inappropriate here in a city like Roanapur?

Well, I don't really care, what worries me is what Revy will think is inappropriate. My feelings.

Now I'm sure that if I told her that I had feelings for her, there would be three possibilities open on what she'd do. One possibility is that she'd laugh her ass off and ask if I was an idiot or something, the second possibility is that she'd point that gun of hers at me, or she'd…..by some miracle of my perverse pleasure decide that she feels those things back and jumps me.

Hey, it's not entirely unlikely. She is after all a rather vulgar young woman.

Though I have to say, I'm not without my carnal urges. How I feel towards Revy is proof enough of that.

Since I've been in this city, the darkness that's manifested in me has been a darkness full of loss of innocence from being here too long, but Revy's presence causes my dark beast to become even more perverse. Even more carnal.

Though I wouldn't be suicidal enough to tell her. Especially now.

Right now, if you're so curious to ask, dear Revy right at the moment is snarling about the, as she puts it, "damn, fucking submarine job!" Don't ask, trust me, it's a long story.

In any case, given how the….submarine job didn't go so well, again, don't ask, she's been busy for these past few hours bitching and yelling about how much of a "dumbass" job it was.

Ah, Revy, tactful as usual. I can't help but smirk at her behavior. It might not be the smartest idea to tease her right now, but she's just so easy to irritate.

At the moment, Dutch seems to be lecturing her "gently" on causing the commotion that she did. Not much of a surprise. Revy's dark beast is such a violent one. She unleashes it like it's a toy. Throwing her dark beast's weight around as if she wants to make an example out of every living thing that she sees.

Why then, have I fallen in love with such a violent woman?

Frankly my good sir or ma'm, I don't know. However, I suspect it has something to do with my own dark beast. Well, to put it simply, I couldn't help but do so. Revy, angry, quick tempered, vulgar and violent Revy.

Those women, back at Japan, I mean, a year ago I would have found their timid nature and unguarded souls pleasant and joyful to be near, yet now, I feel nothing of the sort.

Now, I think I'd vomit if I ever met one of those women again.

That's how much Revy has changed me. Or is it this city in general, I wonder. Hmm, it would be an interesting contest to see what changed me more since I've been here.

But Revy……..I'm not saying that I now have a taste for women that want to kill me and are violent by nature. No, no, not at all.

If that were the case, then all four Ms. Balalaika, that nun Eda from the Church of Violence, the scary Chinese woman with knives that's part of the Triad, and that Loveless maid Roberta would have appealed to me.

They don't.

Revy is the only one my feelings are for. As much as her violent streak resembles the other women that I've described, she is different even from them. But she is far different from the weak, feeble women that have lost my interest back in Japan.

We're talking another planet type of different from them.

And I could never be happier except with a person like her.

But as I've said, she is not the only one to be seen under a dark light. Not just her and all the other most frightening women that I could think of. I'm unfortunately turning into a true denizen of Roanapur. In more than one way.

No longer am I just living here. My soul is now that of a denizen here as well. I no longer live in a "twilight" of gray, just night black.

And I have Roanapur and Revy to thank for that. No, really, I should thank them. I might be considered dead by converting what little emotions I have here, but I've never felt more alive in my life.

The same could be said about my feelings concerning Revy. I hold no interest in the women that I once held such regards for in Japan. I've been freed from this bland lifestyle that is all light and boring. Now the only person I hold concern for, or hold feelings for is this violent, mood-swinging female that could kill me easily under two seconds.

But the question becomes, what is the cost? My feelings are dark, almost perverse. If Revy knew what some of the things were that I wanted to do to her……well, like I said, I'm not looking to die anytime soon.

At first she just always wanted to beat my sorry ass up all the time, but she's seemed to have grown on me. Now I've been able to sneak into her room and wake her up and tease her all I want because I know she'll just whack me along side the head and that's all.

So, despite whatever dangerous pretenses she had towards me, I'm safe for now. As a result I see it as a perfect opportunity to test the waters. Take advantage and see how far I could take it. Not before she took my head off. No, never that. I'm not that suicidal.

But to a certain extent where I can enjoy being near her without losing control of myself and without her feeling the desire to kill me or seriously hurt me.

Really, I might not come off as a threatening guy, but the feelings I have towards Revy, and what I wish I could do to her…..well, there's obviously more to me than meets the eye.

It's probably a good thing that I have at least some contact with Revy instead of none at all. If that were the case, I'd have already snapped and done something that would make her pump my head full of lead.

Hey, it's not my fault I started forming these desires. You can't choose who it is that you fall in love with. At least that's not what I believe.

Despite my perverse dark beast's desires, I do love her. Maybe it's a twisted form of love, but everything about this situation and city is twisted.

Though I think everyone of the crew, especially Revy, and even Benny and Dutch would be revolted if they knew what pleasure I have in those times when I have those openings where I can gawk at her while she isn't looking, teasing her so that she gets that annoyed look on her face, or how I sometimes dare even to go into her room at night and lay my head against her bed while looking at her unconscious, sleeping face.

I know she only sees me as a nearly cowardly idiot that couldn't even have a thought pattern that went in a carnal direction, however, if she knew the true me, then I think she'd be thinking otherwise real fast.

Although, I think she's beginning to get suspicious of me.

Maybe Dutch and Benny haven't noticed it, but Revy has been looking at me strangely. Not in the way like she's attracted to me, but more like she's been noticing something that she hadn't before……and she doesn't like it.

I've been able to conceal my feelings for her for sometime, but ever since we got back from our encounter with the Washimine's heir who committed suicide, she's noticed that I'm concealing something. She's noticed how I look at her when I think no one's looking.

And I hate to say it, but I think she's come to realize that I'm more dangerous than I appear. And do you know what the worst part is? Now that she knows there's something about me, she is afraid of me.

Yes, Revy. One of the five scariest women in the world, afraid of ME. She doesn't show it of course, not in an obvious way. Though she doesn't pull away from me at all when I speak to her, nor has she stopped showing any affection towards me, which I'm surprised by, but I can still see it. An underlying sign of fear.

Fear hidden behind all that anger, strength, defiance and pain. But she is not without good reason. If she secretly fears me now, how would she react if she knew the whole truth? All of my desires towards her?

How would she react if she ever found out that I want to suck at her neck and watch as she arched it, trying to get more of my attention? How would she react if she found out that I want to kiss along her exposed, tanned naval, licking and biting affectionately till she shuddered? How would it seem if I let her know that I want to run my fingers through that beautiful, dark red-black hair of hers, or caress her breasts as she moans. Or if I wanted to push her ripped jean-shorts down her legs to her ankles and put my head between her legs, tasting her…..

As you can see, the fantasies I've had of her are not mere innocent crush type of fantasies. And she knows it. But she doesn't know exactly what it is she knows.

And for that I'm grateful. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to get as close to her as I have. Her dark beast, the predator of her mind craves violence. My own dark beast that lurks within me craves only her. Only Revy.

And because of that, I'll never truly be able to free my beast like she can.

Beacause of that, I can only stare at her and tell myself that I must deny my craving, lest I destroy what little trust and faith she has in me. For that, my dark beast will for now, remain quiet.


End file.
